Short Story: The green Napkin

I remember the first time we met. It was a social even at UCLA. We arrived separately with dates that indulged in the punch a little too much. Our dates spent the night in the bathroom and Audrey and I spent the night dancing and talking… I felt that I was going to spend the rest of my life with her after three hours of talking… Maybe it was just lust and confusion. I wrote my number for her on a neon green napkin and waited for her to call for the next two days. From the day she called me, we were inseparable. It seemed perfect.
We were married after dating for a couple years. It seemed to be pure bliss. We hardly argued, we never disagreed and it seemed to be unexplainable.
Thirty years it took us to realize we weren’t happy, not to mention the three years we spent dating. How is it possible one would think… We had two children during our marriage. Eighteen years twice over, raising kids, putting them through college, I guess it takes a lot of the priority off yourself. We didn’t have to deal with each other except when we were newly weds and once the kids finally left the house. I guess that when she decided things weren’t working out.
How can you be together so long then one day just decide its not working out? I’m now fifty five years young, and newly single. I have no idea what the hell I’m going to do with the rest of my life. Who would have thought. Can’t hold me down, I’m the George Clooney of no bodies, cept I got married once. I’m a hawk, I need to fly and be on the prowl.
Yeah, I’m no hawk. Maybe a fat old turkey at most. I’m Lost without Audrey.
“Dad?” my son said as he walked in the door.
“Hey Rob, what brings you here?”
“Thought I’d bring you some left overs.”
“Oh, thanks, I just put one of them Lean Cuisines in the microwave, I’m trying to eat healthy.”
“Out of the millions of years you’ve been alive dad, you haven’t had the time to learn how to cook?”
“Hey, I’ve still got plenty of time to learn”
“You know dad, I’ve heard you can’t teach an old dog new tricks…” He grinned. “What are you doing later? Do you want me to get a movie or something? I know you’re bored out of your mind being in this big house all alone.”
“It’s Saturday night, I’m going out. It just so happens, I have a date.”
“That’s bull. You would never go near another women besides mom. I know you better than you think. You get scared of women on the television. You don’t know how to talk to them.”
“Well, believe it. I’m going out with the bingo caller from meadow ridge.”
“Dad, your fifty something, not seventy something…”
“She doesn’t live there, just does some volunteer work there. It should be fun.”
“Ok, well in that case, I’m taking off. I’ll talk to you later dad.”
“Bye.” It’s always nice when your children stop by to drop off some pity. I guess they don’t know how to react to all this either.
And of course, there was no date, I just needed to seem less pathetic. It had only been three weeks. Three weeks and the only thing I’ve learned is you can stack microwave dinners and make more than one at once. I had two hungry men in the microwave stacked and ready to eat. Gosh, I can’t believe it’s come down to this. That’s depressing. I miss my wife. Audrey would never let me be hungry. She made a superior lasagna.
As I began to drool the bell rang on the microwave. One pound of food the box says. That’s gross. While I ate my over produced chicken legs and sweet corn I thought about why it didn’t work out. I didn’t understand. The divorce papers came completely out of the blue, there was no warning, no fighting. No rising action. I’ve been convincing myself there was a problem. Or that was the problem? There wasn’t one. We never disagreed or argued without making up. A lasting couple goes to bed happy we thought. One would think that it would be a perfect relationship without those things. But they do say that opposites attract, is it possible that we were just the same person? We had no passion, no yearning to be with each other because we were always with each other. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, a theory we never tested. Was it that it was just to right?
I woke up the next morning with intention of not thinking about Audrey and being independent. I showered, read the paper and before I knew it, it was almost 11am. Still on my independence stint I realized that wasn’t what I wanted. I don’t want to be one of those older guys that just lives by themselves. Never re-marries, stays a divorce with no hope or motivation, no passion or love. I don’t know where to meet older women though? Were there this many worries when I did it forty years ago?
The phone rang. I still delay my reaction to the phone. As it rings I always begin to think that its Audrey ready to put this behind us and start on a new path or something dramatic like that. I convince myself that if that were to happen it would have happened two weeks and six days ago. I have to give my self a second to get it out of my head.
I picked up the phone, it was my daughter Liz.
“Hello.” she said plainly.
“Hey, how are you doing?” I asked just as dryly.
“I’m ok.”
“What do you want me to say to you? Sorry? That’s not going to happen.” My daughter has the amazing talent to turn everything into her problem. She’s old enough where if she wants someone to treat her like a child she can hire a baby sitter, I don’t understand what she wants from me.
“Mothers doing well.” I sometimes think she says things like this to stab at me. I love my daughter that’s not the point. She’s just very strongly opinionated and sticks to her guns I guess.
“That’s good, there was never a doubt your mother wouldn’t be doing good, she’s a very strong woman.”
“Yeah.”
“Why are you throwing yourself into the middle of this? You should be focusing on your career right now. Me and your mother don’t want to involve you kids in this mess. Its between us, I don’t know what to tell you. You don’t need anymore stress.”
“That’s not the point! I’ve gotta go.”
“Ok, well call me whenever, ill be around, goodbye Liz.”
“Bye”
She calls me just to get mad and hang up with me? She is just as confusing as her mother. I didn’t even get an I love you from her. Since when was this all my fault? I think that’s a mans purpose on this earth, in any country, just a freaking scapegoat. We lead, but women lead us. We take the blame for the problems our wives influence us to create. Quite the circle.
I’ve been talking to myself in my head now for what seems like forever. I need to see my wife. We have court soon. I need to save this marriage. It’s on me now. Can someone make someone fall in love all over again in a matter of days?
I unlocked the door to my Volvo wagon and got in with every intention of bringing my wife home, tonight. I have no plan, no idea how, at this point I just wanted to see her. I’m going to drive to my sister-in-laws house, where she was staying.
“Audrey, please come outside! We need to talk. I’m not signing anything until I get an explanation.” Saying this as I’m banging on the front door getting no answer.
“ROBERT! What are you doing? Don’t do this now, your just embarrassing yourself. You don’t understand, and I don’t think you ever will.”
“Understand what?”
“I know you well enough Robert. I know you just came over here to see me and try and woo me into coming home with you because you think that fixes everything when in fact your never going to win me back Robert!. We’ve grown apart. We’ve created too much baggage for this relationship. It’s just become to heavy for me to carry. People change, things change. Just go home please.”
I was in awe, I didn’t understand. I don’t know what to say to her. Honestly I did think it was going to be that easy. Do I underestimate her seriousness? I don’t think so, I just think she’s still cooling off.
I am a genius. I know how to win her back. I drove to the corner store. I bought a package of lime green napkins. If their was anything universal and cute in our relationship it would be the first thing that brought us together. A green napkin. On our first valentines day I gave her a bouquet of lime green napkins. I took one of the napkins and wrote my phone number on it. I signed it anonymous. I put it under my sister-in-laws door and drove home. I went to bed with the phone that night waiting for her call.
The clock read 11:34, I woke up to my cell phone ringing. It was playing Butter Cup Baby by the Temptations. It was a song she downloaded on my phone.
“Hello?”
“Hey.”
“How are you doing Audrey”
“I’m good. Ok, Robert, I really don’t know how to do this. I can’t go on thinking about you I realize it’s only been a matter of weeks since we’ve been separated but I need to work on things for myself for a change, not us.”
“But were supposed t work on things together. I don’t understand why the separation needs to be as real as a divorce? I love you and I don’t know why its not working out? Are you not in love with me?
“Rob, I just need to spend some time on my own. We were married so quickly and went straight to a family. I’ve never really been independent.”
There it was. The I word I’ve been scared of all along.
“That should be a good thing. I’m proud to say that I had someone next to me through out my hard times and the good and bad. Now, you avoided my last question, are you still in love with me?”
“Rob, I don’t think this is the time to talk about this.”
“Audrey. You can’t do this to me.”
“OF COURSE I’m still in love with you, but I don’t know if I still want to be!”
“Audrey you can’t say that. We brought a family into this world we’ve been together so long. Just talk to me, we can work it out.”
“Stop pressing; give me time.”
“You’re my wife! Its my job to press.” This conversation was dragging, I was making no progress or gain with her, she wouldn’t budge. I guess she’s set for now.
“Robert, this is why I didn’t want to talk to you.”
“Why because you would see that I love you? Now more than ever?”
“I failed to practice monogamy.”
“What?”
“I cheated on you Robert.”
I awoke the next morning with nothing to say or do. I signed the divorce papers first thing. They had been on the counter for the longest time anyways. Staring at me. I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t giving up, just giving in. She obviously isn’t feeling the same way that I am feeling about her. I had no move. Could I get back into a relationship when my wife cheated on me? If it was my brother I’m going to kill someone.
Two days had passed. I haven’t spoken nearly a word. I was done. I’ll never date again.



Part II: