Oh, You Mistook That For a Backbone

Have you ever made any decision in your life without regrets or second guesses. I guess thats all life is, is second guesses an d full of the chances and oppertunities you never took. Lifes just a series of turns. Its all about making the correct ones. I guess in my case ive gotten lost in my life. I wish i had a nav system. Once your lost its hard to have the confidence to get back on your right track. Because you start second guessing and not being so sure of who you are. You know you think you know exactly who you are but it sucks when you describe yourself and most of the words are crude, verbal slang, and curses. Anyone else? lol. I dont know. Talking about making turns for relationships instead of friendships, of french fries instead of apples, of life instead of death. Is growing up supposed to be this hard? I mean im fine, happiness and all, just looking back and looking forward its like shit. Which seems worse? And for everyone to survive, going forward holds more 'turns' for you to miss, more 'roads' to vere off of i guess, its a whole new adventure where you might just find the turn that leads to the beach. As long as your up for it and you do better than you've done before, I learned, Its worth it.

Love With A Missing Heart?

Have you ever been totally in love? Thats right, you havent. I have met the person i love the most but why doesn't it work out? There is like the sixth sense missing. I dont undersand. Its almost punishment to have the one you love so close but so far away and out of your reach. I dont know. I'm so young i understand i have no idea of what love even is. I'm suprised i even know how to spell it. You think you know something so clearly and in a second you can forget you ever knew it.

I Think I Lost a Piece of Myself Along The Way.

My {old} Kitchen My {old} Bedroom

What do you call when your unremitting fear is challenged? Graduating this year is a leap for me. it’s a leap into what is, or what should be my adulthood. I look at myself and my decisions, and this year and the past couple of years haven’t been exactly how I imagined. I don’t know. I think I set myself up for destruction. I think that I set goals that are below my achievement so I don’t disappoint myself. Even this, analyzing myself. I know what’s wrong I just cant change. You know when you need to be approved by the people around you, you act as you feel you should. In some sense that could be a good quality, to adapt to your surroundings, but somewhere in my young teens, I lost myself. I think it was when I moved to Ridgefield. The kids I was friends with in Wilton knew who I was, they know who I am. I grew up with my friends in Wilton, I had known all of them as long as I could remember. I moved to Ridgefield and rather than understanding my environment, just adapted to it. I changed who I was and maybe just became a new person in Ridgefield. I guess it’s a good thing to reinvent yourself every once in a while. I left Wilton, and I left all my problems as a child, and all my bad memories in my childhood home that burnt down. They had burned with it. I had to find a new me I guess. When you have a story as deep and real as mine, its nice to lose some of yourself in a change.

Id Rather Be Drowning Than Swimming Away

Pete's Couch
Theres commercials running now saying hoq if you smoke pot you will sit on a couch and do nothing. You wont take chances or risks. Whats so bad about Pete's couch. It mide as well be a metaphor for living at home with your parents. We wouldnt smoke pot every day on petes couch, just every time i felt pressure to make a decision or take a risk. Theres a legalize it campaign going around my high school these days. There are posters up to legalize marijuana and flyers being past around the student center, comparing it to drinking and the pros over weigh the cons in my eyes. I think the only reason its not legal is because theres no way to test for it. Theres no way to tell if you get pulled over how much youve smoked or what your feeling. But teenagers have to realize its never gunna happen. And i dont really want it to happen, because i dont want my children doing all the dumb things ive done in my childhood. Im just gunna relax on pete's couch for a while. Im just gunna burn it when im done with it so my kids cant go near it. As for alcohol, i think it should be legal for minors (18-21) to buy like beer and wine. Something with a lower percent of alcohol than like hard alcohol. Because if maybe were introduced slower to legal alcohol, most people wont go out binge drinking when there 21 and we wont have many deaths. I dont know, maybe just a bad idea. All for now, gunna update more later.