Just Thoughts

Ive gotten my invitation to graduation. A scary thought. Throughout my school career all i wanted was the end. And just now im realizing that i can do anything. Where am i going to live in september? Doesnt that freak anyone else out? I dont know where im going to be. I might not even be in this country. Just now im seeing how many oppertunities i have after high school, and ive never been so scared in my life. How do you make the right decision? I havent heard back from any schools yet, what if i dont get in? I'm certainly not staying in ridgefield. This is a superficial town that ive grown tiered of. Im thinking of moving over seas, like california, or florida. I dont think im ready to be out of the country, maybe just to visit. Everyone in this town is so perfect and nice. Is it possible ive been dragged threw too much shit to fit in? To be the kid that wants to go to college? I don't want to go to school right now, and because im paying for my own college these are things i really have to think about. I dont want to waste my money. But what if i get into my top choice college? Do i still take the risk? You can never find out whats waiting for you at the bottom unless you jump.

Cookie Cutters

How can guardians and police expect teenagers to be mature? We party and get in trouble one, because there is nothing to do in this town, two, because we don’t have any other way to alleviate stress and just laugh. We drink, we smoke, and some kids go to worse drugs because it takes us away. Only 6% of kids in America take physics. That’s a little fun fact for you. I was told by my counselor that I needed to take physics because it gives me a greater chance of getting into college. At RHS it’s uncommon for kids not to take physics. I don’t know. I think Ridgefield wants every child to be a genius and get into an astounding college. Ridgefield schools work so hard at creating a name that Universities will recognize. A name with a reputation, but it’s at our expense. We are the ones that have to work harder, get better standardize test scores. It is a lot of pressure. Ridgefield is such a cookie cutter town. White good looking smart straight children. People of different cultures aren’t understood or even sometimes accepted in our town. Gay people are put into therapy because apparently their troubled and that’s not a curable disease. I guess my ultimate point is that I’m stressed. I don’t fit the cookie cutter mold. My grades aren’t well there’s a chance I might not even graduate. (A very very small chance, something I would never let happen, but its still on the table) Yesterday I just wanted to get into my car and drive forever. Running away has never seemed like such a good idea. I just hate that I have to put in so much effort then everyone else. I’m not smart enough for Ridgefield. The kids I see drunk and high on weekends come in Monday and ace a test. Even the freaking drug dealers in the school have better grades than me. I guess its fear that’s stressing me out also. Fear that I’m not going to get out of this town. This town is keeping me young. I will be able to grow up and mature once I’m out of this town I think. People go away, change and make new friends. But if I never leave, will I ever change? Moving to California just seems like such a good idea. My friends and family want me to stay. But I could learn so much more by leaving. I’m sure as soon as I left for California I would regret it though. All I know is I can’t stay here much longer.